Oct 22 2009
You have it right Pregnant Man
So it has become painfully clear that there is a major gender divide at my job. We even had an expert come and gather information to prove it. The men thought her visit was unnecessary. They thought she was needlessly drumming up controversy. I mean why fix something that ain’t broke. Well, the obvious answer is that it IS broke. But, these d-bags were threatened.The statistics are pretty bad. They get better work, more hours, more money, and more respect. Like last week, this partner asked me to do a super important task. He asked me to tab stuff. You know, like how Cher highlighted those phone conversations for her dad? But, oh yeah she was in high school and I graduated law school. Why was I tabbing? Well obviously, that is women’s work.So, what does it take to be successful as a woman? I am reminded of the conversation I had with Mr. ATD. He suggested that I dress the part by wearing suits. In other words, dress more like a man. But, how far will that really get me? My suits, like all my clothes, are tight. Oh and they come with skirts. So, no one will be fooled by my drag. What else is there? Victor/Victoria aint gonna work.There were those broads in my women’s group at the old firm. Their recipe for success was to mimic the work habits of a man. So, they got themselves stay at home husbands (or live in nannies who stayed in servants quarters in a closet in their house and refrained from eye contact) and worked all the time. I mean I have more of a chance of imitating the dress habits of a man than the work habits. I don’t want to work around the clock. Those bitches were crazy.So what do I do? Its not enough to dress like a man and I can’t act like one. Well, the answer is obvious. There is really only one way to be taken seriously at this law firm. You need a penis. So, I guess that means taking huge doses of testosterone a la the pregnant man. I can grow a little guy and just sit back while the opportunities for advancement present themselves. After all, I don’t want to make all those men uncomfortable with my woman parts. Its a win-win.
