exitstrategy

I am not sure what it is about me, but for some reason people feel compelled to say bizarre things to me.  Take for instance an experience I had at my previous firm.  I emailed a partner to try and get on a new case he was working on.  Instead of responding by email, the partner called me to tell me that unfortunately he had already staffed the case.  ”But,” he said, “I did not know you existed before and I now I do.  So in the future when I get another case I will certainly call you and really just sink my teeth into you.”  Hmm, I wanted to work on your case I did not want to become your vampire wife. There have been several other awkward conversations, but none as excruciating as yesterday.  I had been working on this motion all week.  I had stayed late, come in early, and done what I thought was a really good job.  When I got into work yesterday there was a message waiting for me.  ”Spinsta, that motion needs substantial work.  There is no way it will be ready when it it due so I will call opposing counsel for an extension.  Be prepared to work on the motion today.”  Ugh, I knew it was gonna be a bad Friday.  A few hours later I get a call from the partner on his cell phone.  I pick up the receiver and say “Hi this is Spinsta.”  ”Who’s your daddy?  WHO’S YOUR DADDY?”  I was so uncomfortable I did not know how to respond so I started laughing awkwardly in a high pitched hyena laugh.  ”HEHE HEE HEE.”  ”We got the extension.”  ”Oh great.”  Click.  As soon as I hung up the phone I ran to tell my secretary.  She is a very sweet girl but not the brightest bulb and I am not sure if she got the implications of the statement.  Not getting the response I wanted, I went to talk to another associate.  As I told her the story she literally crawled under her desk to try to deal with the awkwardness.  ”Are you serious?”   “Bible,” I say.   Fast forward a few hours later and I am in the partners office working on the motion.  At one point he stops talking, looks around, looks down, shuffles his papers, looks at me, looks down.  And then he says “Um you know what I meant when I said who’s your daddy before?  I was just excited I got the extension.  You know its like saying ‘Who’s your buddy?’  ’Who’s the man?’  I did not mean any funny stuff.”  OMG this confession is even more awkward than the who’s your daddy convo.   He had clearly been agonizing over it and hoping I did not think he was a harasser.  I mean how do I respond to this?  What do I say to put his mind at ease?  I mean it was beyond weird and it is NOT like saying Who’s Your Buddy, especially since no one says that.  ”Um, HE HE HE”  More hyena laughs to buy me some time.  ”It’s ok, I did not think you were my father. HE HE.”  And then we never spoke of it again. I mean I clearly said the wrong thing in return.  I doubt he was worried that I assumed by his comments he was attempting to adopt me.  But I was on the spot and I did not know what to do.  I mean at least I will be prepared the next time someone says something creepy to me.  For instance, if Fat Bastard were to call me and say “Who’s Your Buddy?  WHO’S YOUR BUDDY?”  I will know what to do.  ”NOT YOU, I am suing you for harassment.”   And now I am off to enjoy my holiday weekend. 

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