exitstrategy

So after three years of working at an office I have become an expert on the office party.  I mean I can’t write good, I can’t read good, and I don’t argue in a court (and if I did it would not be good).  But ladies and gentleman, the Spinsta can drink good. I have been to the elaborate office party.  When I was a summer, I went to a football stadium that had been rented out just for my company.  A local marching band had been hired for the occasion and they performed a half time show just for us.   But one thing I have never experienced (until tonight) is the sober office party.  Or, let me rephrase - the I am sober while the rest of the people are hammered office party. See, the office party at the football field - I was HAMMERED.  I sort of remember having a conversation with the head of my group, informing her that my sister had a dog and how I had single handedly trained the dog to use a litter box.  Now my sister had a dog but the dog had accidents like it was his job and I certainly did not train him to, um, BE A CAT.  But, because I was so hammered, I went on and on about the cat-like things my sister’s dog did. Or, better yet, there was an office party where I told the whole place how I was a ballerina.  I am not sure why, other than it made perfect sense at the time.  It did engender a few pervy comments, but I thought it was hilarious. Well fastforward a few years later (and apparently a few years more mature - although I was telling people I was a ballerina on Saturday night.  Hmm, well whatever) and I was at an office party but I was not drunk.  I was able to observe the people like it was an experiment.  I mean they were hamsters and I was the one who watched them run on the wheel.   However, it was not as interesting as I had thought, or at least not as discovery channel as I had envisioned.  Like I thought I would look at these clowns and hear a narrator in my head saying “here you see the middle aged man in his natural habitat - surrounded by people who are his piers and or his subordinates - get drunk and say innapropriate things.”  I thought I could view it with a detached perspective, just watching said clown in his element.   What I was not prepared for, however, is how disgusting said middle-aged clown is in his natural habitat.  Said clown gets way too drunk, said clown talks about masturbation and/or oral sex.  Said clown is spitting on you and talking about masturbation and/or oral sex.  Um, and said clown is so gross that said clown should NEVER have said oral sex - and probably not even said masturbation because the mental image alone is enough to want to blind oneself. So where do I go from here?  I have been on the other side of the office party and it is not pretty.  I guess the only option is to get even drunker than said clown.  Oh and if he talks about masturbation and/or oral sex, well at least I will be too drunk to remember. Viva la summer events.  I can’t wait for the memorial day party.  Note to self: pick up some horse tranquilizers.  

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