exitstrategy

Tonight is yet another night when we are supposed to eat matzoh.  I usually try to keep passover.  It is one of the few religious traditions that I try to abide.  I, like most other modern Jews, am selective about what traditions I follow.  For instance, I would think nothing about having an egg-white omelette, matzoh with butter, and canadian bacon.  Or, better yet, a turkey and swiss sandwich on a popover (for those of you unfamiliar with this passover delight - it is a puffy matzoh meal thing made with a million eggs). I don’t go to synagogue except on the high holidays.  I do not honor my mother and father (don’t Jews obey the 10 commandments?)  My parents are also non-practicing (although my mom is in a Jewish cult where she studies Torah passages).   The only religious person in my family is my sister.  She married a Rabbi’s son and has become a born-again Jew.  I mean she has shabbat dinner every week where she sings the prayers and even does that thing where you wave your hands in front of your face.   I think the proper term for my religious practice is a “cultural Jew.”  You know - I don’t do any of the religious stuff but I get crazy at weddings when they dance the horah and I must marry a Jewish guy (although preferably another one who is, like me, Jewish in name only.  I mean I do not want to have separate dishes - I would rather put the money into my closet.) So with this background, you are probably not surprised to hear that I broke passover.  I did it twice yesterday.  First, at brunch with my friend, I tasted every item in the bakery basket.  Then, I got drunk last night and ordered guacamole and chips at the bar.   During both of my indiscretions, I found myself telling my companions “not to tell anyone” that I had broken the covenant.  I do not know why I said that, nor who I thought they were going to tell.  I am pretty sure that G-d is aware that I broke passover twice (and then officially stopped today).  But, in my defense, at least I broke it on worth-while items.  I mean I really went out with a bang.  I think this means that I will not be visited by any cab driving angels for a while.  Well, I guess there is always Lag BaOmer. Happy Passover and Easter to all. 

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