exitstrategy

Yes the Spinsta has been away for a while.  I would like to say I was on an exotic vacation, or in the midst of a romantic tryst, or eating candycorn all the day long.  But, unfortunately I am on a restrictive diet (I have not had carbs in almost a week so if I am extra crazy, that is the reason) and I have been slaving away at the office.   I am not actually on any case at my firm.  But, I am like the stunt-man for these cases: I fill in when someone better might get hurt.  So, I had a million “discrete research projects” on a million different cases and the million little crap projects added up to one giant nightmare. Things really came to a head yesterday.  I was filling in pieces into a brief.  I spent two days on this and I actually thought it was good.  I mean not to pat myself on the back but I thought of some very convincing arguments (at least they convinced me).  So, I sent the final product to the junior partner for him to give it a final edit before sending it to the senior partner.  I sent it to him at 12 PM.  At 1:05 AM that night (or I guess technically morning) I awoke suddenly from my dream (which involved me eating a bagel at work - I mean how depressing).  I needed a glass of water, so I went into the kitchen.  I looked around the room while I was drinking my water and noticed that the light on my blackberry was blinking.  I don’t know what possessed me to look at it at 1:06 AM (I took a little while to savor that water - anything that goes into my mouth during this Phase 1 diet is precious).  It was probably some psychosis I have developed from low blood sugar/candy-corn withdrawal.  But, like a clown, I looked at the email and looked at his edits. He had changed the entire thing, got rid of most of my good ideas, added all kinds of parenthetical research questions for me (that I already did) and other crap.  I was so pissed.  It made me so mad in fact that I could not sleep for 2 hours.  I watched Mario Lopez on Extra - I did not realize he was the new host.  At least something good came from those 2 hours of insomnia: I got the inside scoop from Jason the bachelor.  He answered questions from random people on the street, including “do you think you can find lasting love on a television show?”  Not surprisingly, Jason the romantic/absentee father said “Yes, you can find love anywhere as long as your heart is open.”  Let’s just see how open your heart is to Melissa in 2 months, Jason. When I woke up the next morning, I decided to stage a secret protest.  I did not shower, I did not put on my contacts and I did not change my shirt.  I contemplated not even wearing a bra - take that mother f’ers!!!  But, I quickly realized that that was going a little too far. I got into my office and closed the door and just to show how desperate I felt, I called my mother!  A few hours later the junior dude asked if I would come to his office for a “brain storming session.”  The session involved him telling me things that were in fact wrong.  I told him he was wrong, but he was apparently not phased.  Better to be wrong than to be not as smart as the Spinsta.  He gave me a bunch of other crap to research and told me he would call when we were ready to meet with the senior dude.   A few hours later I got that fateful call.  ”Spinsta, it’s time.  Come to Senior’s office.”  I sat in Senior’s office for almost two hours and it was deja-vu.  I was always wrong (meaning right) and the Junior just agreed with the Senior.  At one point during out pow-wow, Senior said to me “Spinsta SPIT OUT YOUR GUM.”  I mean what are you my father?  Or is this catholic school and you are the nun with the ruler?  As an aside, this is a man who sits idly by while his partner chews white shit that spews from his mouth all the live long day.   Then Senior asked me if I could be done with the assignment Monday.  ”I don’t know how long it will take but I will definitely try to get it down.”  ”Let’s try again.  Will you have it done by Monday?”  (Spinsta nods slowly).   When the meeting was finally over, Senior attempted to make small talk.  He asked me I was going to attend a charity event and I said yes.  ”There are going to be great raffle prizes.  You should bid on the whitening trays.”  ”What?  Are you trying to tell me something?”  Ugh, I blame it on the candy-corn withdrawal, the exhaustion or my usual silent rage.  If you had seen the nod you would have understood. So, loyal readers, I am back.  I got lots to complain about.  See you tomorrow.  I am going to go chew some gum. 

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