exitstrategy

I am definitely not a stranger to self-sabotage.  I mean I am not a cutter or something, but I don’t always make the best decisions, even when I know what the best decision is.  My eating habits are like that.  I am usually pretty healthy, but when I eat something unhealthy I decide that I might as well just screw it and go down in flames.  Say for instance I eat the fries that come with the sandwich?  Well then I have already eaten too much, so I order the brownie sundae, eat the entire bun, and order some bread to go with my sammie.  Clearly, the best option would be to stop after the fries.  I mean they are not the most healthy but they are obviously better than eating my body weight in hot fudge. Well, as you may guess, I am this way about my job.  I am going to let you in on a little secret - I hate my job.  Shocking, I know.  And, because I hate my job, I have decided that I should not have to really work when I am at work.  I mean they know where I am - if they want me, they will ask for help.  This is not a rational thought process.  I mean in a good economy, it’s stupid but in the current economy its suicidal.   I have told every family member and every friend about my current dilemma.  ”I hate my job, I have no work, I am afraid I am going to be fired.”  ”Well, then it is probably time to get out there and knock on doors, ask for work, be visible.”  ”Ugh, they should come to me.”  Most of them just look at me funny and change the subject.  One of my friends, probably my most professional friend, looked at me and said “hey, with that attitude, I would fire you.”  Brutal, but true. So, how do I stop the self-sabotage?  I mean do you really think a girl who calls herself Fat Spinsta is capable of doing so?  But, I have to be stronger.  I mean I am going to be a mother to Ty Mesnick (I guess he does have a last name).  Oh, and I signed up to be a professional mentor to a law student.  Ok, so starting on Monday it is a whole new Spinsta.  I do realize that tonight is only Thursday, but you can’t expect miracles to happen over night.   

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