exitstrategy

Remember snaggle?  Well, there was one distinct feature I did not disclose (in case he called and we had those snaggle babies) - he had a crater face.  You know, like that guy in Grease who drag-raced with Danny who covered for Kinicki (pronounced: crat-ah face).  It is a jacked face with crevices in it from past acne.  In SAT speak - Crater Face is to pizza face as butterfly is to caterpiller.  You know, one begets the other. But, this entry is not another love letter to snaggle, the crat-ah face.  It is actually about how we can learn a lot about a person’s character by the quality of his/her skin tone.  This may seem both a ridiculous and a superficial theory - and it is both, but I swear it is true. Think back to all the evil villians from the 80s movies - they all had crater faces.  Crater faces are evil dudes.  And, pizza faces?  Not the youthful ones because lots of people had bad skin in high school (not me - I had perfect skin, my problem was rather my frizzy hair before the dawn of straighteners).  No, the adult pizza face.  Well the adult pizza face is a pervert.  I mean what are they doing to get so greasy in the face?  Exactly, something bad.  The orange face (the self-tanner)?  They are delusional.  I mean who believes that (a) orange is natural and (b) one can get a “natural” orange tan in winter?  What about pierced face?  They are faux sexual deviants but really uptight people trying to appear edgey or they are just freaks.  And also stuck in the past.  Like who still gets their eyebrows pierced?  Ugh, or that marilyn monroe piercing?  Give me a break. In short- I belong in sixth grade but come one, who doesn’t think pizza face is hilarious?  And crater faces really are scary.  There is a guy I work with who has craters.  He gives me the ick.  And there was a crater face I went to law school with who had a mail order bride.  Do you need more proof?  

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