exitstrategy

So, yeah maybe I was a little unrealistic thinking that things would change over night.  It is possible that I thought I would wake up this morning and would be leading an entirely different life.  But, alas, no I am still living the same crappy life.  This morning was great, actually.  I woke up, watched the GMA recap of the inaugural balls.  I got to see clips of Beyonce sing At Last one more time (it was soooo good).  And, I even walked to work.  But, as soon as I swiped my ID badge to get into the building, things took a dramatic turn.  First, I had a message from the fat prick as soon I arrived to my office.  He told me we were going to have a group meeting over lunch.  Great.  And then my nemesis associate did the first of many stomping trips down the hall to her million meetings.  That was my day - counting down the minutes to the dreaded lunch meeting and then having to listen to that freakshow clomp clomp down the hall.   So let’s take these indignities one at a time: 1) The lunch meeting.  Apparently, it is a well known rule (that I did not know) that male partners have no manners.  During the lunch meeting (I did not get lunch - only the partners), I had to listen to these men chew.  I mean it was like a cow with its cud.  And, not surprisingly, fatty chewed open mouth and breathed loudly while doing it.  I have never experienced anything as disgusting.  Oh, wait, a bit of fatty’s hamburger flew from his mouth and landed on my brief.  It just stared at me.  The combination of fatty’s cud and all his red marks was too much to bear.   2) The clomps.  So, there is this chick who just LOVES working.  She works at night, she works on the weekend, she works on vacation.  She has told us all that the reason for this intense workload is because she has no friends in town and so nothing else to do.  Fine, do my work clown.  Everyday she wears a giant wrap and clomps down the hall throwing the wrap across her body, clomping, and rethrowing it.  Sometimes she will smirk into my office during her clomp.  ”Hi Fat Spinsta.  What are you working on?”  ”Oh you know, just researching.”  ”Ha, I don’t remember the last time I just researched.  I feel like I am just constantly on the go.  Walking back and forth to meetings.  Crazy.  Well, enjoy your researching.  Ha.  Ha.  Ha.”  Um, don’t you mean clomping?   I was trying to remember if I have ever had a worse professional day before?  Well, I work in a terrible profession so I am sure, but none come to mind.  There was one day though, during my first job.  I was a waitress at a family style theme restaurant.  I had to wear a white blouse and a tie which already made me feel uncomfortable.  And then I had to shadow this woman who took WAY too much pride in her job.  And, finally, I had to give an opening paragraph to the customers before giving them menus when all they really wanted was the giant slab of bread that I was holding.  ”GIVE US THE BREAD.  I DON’T CARE ABOUT WHAT MAMA USED TO COOK IN ITALY.  BREAD!!”  This went on for several hours.  I started getting tired so I was walking a little slower.  Well, my psychotic mentor got right up behind me, started clapping her hands vigorously and shouted “sense of urgency, you must serve with a sense of urgency.”  ”Excuse me, miss.  Where is my bread?  And my son needs another gigantic coke and my fat husband needs more cheese for his giant lasagna.”  ”Sense of urgency!!”  ”My coke!!!”  ”WHAT WOULD MAMA DO?”  It was too much pressure.  I loosened my tie, took off my apron, handed it to my psychotic mentor and walked out. I forgot about that terrible family and that nazi waitress coach until I met them again today.  I wonder if I can just walk off the job?    

Trackback URI | Comments RSS