exitstrategy

I consider myself an amateur psychologist. Based on my training (i.e. reading those Chicken Soup for the Soul books), I know that dreams are very telling about your inner feelings. I have read dream interpretation books. See, if you dream that you are going somewhere naked, then you are nervous about something. If you dream that you are being chased, you are anxious about something. If you dream that your teeth are falling out, you are afraid that you are ugly. And, if you dream that you are getting married, well then you are a real dreamer.

I rarely remember my dreams. They are usually about work. Sometimes I dream that I am my mother - ugh those one’s are freaky. When I was studying for the bar exam, and really stressed out, I had dreams three nights in a row that involved Little Richard trying to attack me. Once he carjacked the cab I was in, once he pulled a knife on me, and once he just chased me. Yeah, I am fully aware that I am crazy.

But, here I am, in a rut at work and it has somehow seeped its way into my subconscious. Last night I had a dream there was a new guy at work. He was sorta cute and we liked each other. We had lunch together in the cafeteria, and then I said to him “I love you Steve Salumi.” And, then my alarm went off and I had to go to work.

I mean why can’t I dream about some sexy artist? Or a beefy cop? Or a doctor (are you listening, g-d)? No, instead I dream about some lame associate that I work with. And, he doesn’t take me somewhere good. No, we eat at the nasty cafeteria that serves either taco salads or ham sandwiches. And, of course, his name. Steve Salumi?

My friend did some psychoanalysis on my dream. She told me that salumi is Italian charcuterie: salted meats. She said you are dreaming about a co-worker’s sausage. Hmm, do I have a crush on someone at work? Um, no definitely not. If you could take a scan of the office, you would know I was speaking the truth. So I told her that was not the case. “Hmm. Oh wait, I have got it!! You are dreaming about work and sausage. You are thinking that your office is dominated by men and it’s time for a change of control. You want to seize the sausage.” Oh, I like that analysis.

Or, of course, I am just hungry. Glurp, Glurp.

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