exitstrategy

I am giving my secretary her Christmas gift this week. I took a poll of the associates at my firm to see what was standard. I mean, my secretary is like the only person I like so I don’t want to be cheap with the gift. So, I decided on a dollar amount to get for her and I was going to get a bag of other goodies.

I went in search of the best goodies to put in her goodie bag. And by search I mean I went to the food shop at the gym. But, in my defense, they have the best stuff. I chose 4 different candies. A large chocolate ornament, a big thing of peppermint bark (yeah not sure what that is), chocolate covered pretzel rods and chocolate covered pretzel twists. Each four candy treats looked so delicious. I looked at my goodie bag with pride - I really did good. I mean these candies were great. They were so great in fact that I was overcome by a desire for the pretzel twists. I tried to resist. I hid the goody bag. Of course, since I hid them myself it was not as if I did not know where I put it. Ugh - this is why I need a husband. That is the ONLY reason. Ha.

As you can imagine, I found the delicious pretzel twists and exactly 6 minutes later I was covered in white chocolate crumbs and filled with remorse for eating my perfect gift. I really am out of control.

When I was in college I was a member of a predominately anorexic sorority. The year I lived in the sorority house I learned some interesting “diet tips.” One of the big ones was to douce your left overs in vinegar or ketchup so you would not grab it out of the garbage and eat the rest. Note: most of the girls ate like 3 bites so the leftovers were substantial. I maybe left 3 bites, but whatever, I am healthy (um…)

I have learned my lesson, now. From this day forward, I will douce all secretary gifts in ketchup so I do not eat them before giving them away.

I am super jealous of Santa Claus. He gets to eat all the Christmas goodies and people sing songs about his jelly tummy. People don’t sing cheery songs about my jelly tummy: maybe, just a few bars of that Dave Matthews song about eating too much, drinking too much, TOO MUCH. The injustice of it all - I mean I am jolly. Ho, ho, ho. Now give me all of your candy.

Trackback URI | Comments RSS