exitstrategy

So, as promised, here is part 2, the finale to the cliffhanger. You know like who shot J.R. Luckily, I am too young to know who shot J.R. or to remember anything about Dallas. But, of course, I am old enough to know that there was a prime time soap named Dallas, which means i am pretty f’ing old. But, I digress.

So, as I said in my last post, the past week has involved both highs and lows. The trip was the high. Sandwiched in between the high were my lows - the holiday party right before I left and my year-end review right when I returned.

The holiday party was pretty close to the holiday parties you watch on a thirty minute sitcom. The entire office was invited, along with their spouses, and they all came. People had been talking about the party for weeks and got all dolled up for the big occassion. I wore my go-to holiday party number: a tight turtleneck dress with tights and booties. Slightly inappropriate but overall acceptable.

I met the spouses of the other attorneys and a lot of the staff. Everyone, including the spouses, had the best things to say about the office. Or, we would talk about interesting anecdotes dealing with marriage, raising children, getting business, etc. Of course, none of the anecdotes were interesting. Most of the people I work with are freakshows when they are sober - you can imagine the whoppers that they were saying once sauced. But, I cannot really judge because in a pinot grigio haze I said a vaguely sexual comment to my boss. It was not intentional - I swear (don’t judge me just because I wear tight turtleneck dresses).

The crowning moment of the holiday party was when the dj transitioned from elevator music to popular music. The friendly, potentially alcoholic paralegal started grinding and several staff members followed suit. And, as you can guess from my confession in the last blog (that I am loking for a way to showcase my dancing abilities any chance I get) I too booty-danced in the small “dance floor” area that was actually just a little patch of floor in clear sight of every person at the party. I did not want to overdo it, and in truth the party was painful, so I planned to leave early but I was looking for the perfect moment. When the dj played Rod Stewart’s If You Think I’m Sexy, I could not think of a better moment. As I left, the paralegal (who is probably 50 years old) politely asked me if “he could watch me walk out.” YUCK.

The year end review took place the day I got back from paradise. The review was only 12 minutes long but it was long enough to quash any lingering positivity. The reviews are conducted by 2 partners. All the partners review each associate, but the reviews are anonymous. Instead, the 2 partners who give the review, read the partners reviews and distill them into some themes about your performance. One of the 2 partners is a partner I work for a lot. He started the review. “If I were to review you myself, I would say you are off to a great start. But, looking at the other reviews, the feeling is that you are off to a pretty good start.” Then, the other partner added his two cents: “Yeah you are off to a decent start.” Ouch. I went from great, to pretty good to decent in 20 seconds?

Apparently, the idiots I work for don’t think I am enthusiastic about my job. That was the critique. For those of you who have been loyal readers of my work related rants, you are probably as surprised as I am that they found me to be unenthusiastic about my job.

Maybe I should have danced for them? Done a little cheer? I mean what lawyer is enthusiastic? Oh, well I guess that one who advertises on TV to ask if you have inhaled toxic fumes while working in a coal mine and want to become part of a class.

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